💦 THE $500 EXPERIMENT
WHO WANTS TO BE A CUMILLIONAIRE?
This is not intended as financial or investment advice and should not be construed or relied on as such. Before making any commitment of a financial nature you should seek advice from a qualified and registered financial adviser, and/or Jesus.
Hey guys!!!
Froomy here, I’m sitting on my couch in a way that is going to fuck both my neck and my back.
potentially also my pussy and/or crack
Anyway, last Monday I decided to become a Millionaire.
I wasn’t sure how I would do it, so I called on my loyal employees for advice. I was willing to throw down $500 – a sizeable amount for a Non-For-Profit like FROOMESWORLD – with the hope of doubling it by EOW.
The potential investment opportunities came in hotter than a Junior Analyst to a client lunch at Totti’s.
Some suggested selling feet pics. Others, my eggs. My favourite tip was a $49 flight to Brisbane, $50 Uber to Treasury Casino, $400 on black and if I lost, drowning my sorrows in a $1 Frozen Coke at the nearby McDonald’s (loose change menu).
Fries aside, I knew that if I was serious about doubling my money, a slap at the casino wasn’t gonna cut it.
I needed to hack the mainframe. I needed to buy cryptocurrency.
When I hear the term ‘cryptocurrency’ I think of a guy with cheesy Dorito fingers playing Xbox in the family study.
I also think about what a FUCKEN IDIOT I am for not understanding it. Anything computer-based that isn’t social media just melts my brain. The closest I’ve ever gotten to coding is plugging rosebud; into The Sims to buy Mortimer Goth a new fridge.
I’d heard about Bitcoin and about how some guys on Reddit made millions after banding together and investing in GameStop. Then of course there’s Dogecoin, the joke Bitcoin rival that has rocketed 30,000% since the start of the year.
For context, if I’d dropped $500 on Dogecoin one year ago, I would now be sitting on $118,000.
Joke coins, or memecoins or shitcoins, are going FOKEN NOOTS.
It’s mostly due to subreddits like r/AllCryptoBets and r/CryptoMoonShots, where sweaty alpha nerds discuss different emerging coins. I’m honestly gonna fuck up explaining it, and I am too busy becoming a millionaire to deal with the blowback should this newsletter find its way into the innards of Reddit, so instead…
I will be discussing what I learnt while investing in my first ever coin: CumRocket.
HOW DID I FIND IT?
So I don’t exactly remember because since this began I’ve had at least 50 tabs open across three Chrome windows. At some stage though, I came across an article in HYPEBEAST about a brand new NSFW cryptocurrency called $CUMMIES.
WHAT IS $CUMMIES?
Their website (which is pink) says $CUMMIES is a deflationary token that will be used as a tipping, messaging, custom request and sexting currency on their custom-built NSFW content platforms. They’ll also be selling NFTs.
I thought it sounded cool cos it has an actual use (using the tokens to pay for porn) and I’m wet for paying online entertainers.
COOL, WHAT IS AN NFT?
An NFT (non-fungible token) is just the metadata associated with the image file, which can then be bought or sold. Like art.
NFTs can be photos, videos, audio, and other types of digital files.
Last week, the girl in the above pic sold it for $643,000. She’ll retain copyright over it, so if the person who bought it sells it again, she’ll pocket 10%.
Meanwhile, Em Ratajkowski is selling this as an NFT:
A few months ago she wrote an essay for The Cut, which went viral, describing all that ways her image has been bought and sold.
You’ll have to read it, but basically back in 2014 an “important artist” had a show at a fancy New York art gallery, but the “paintings” were actually just images of Instagram posts printed on oversize canvases. They were selling for $90,000.
It was a genius dog act.
Now, she’s one upping him by selling an image of herself standing in front of it as an NFT.
It’s going to auction on May 15th at Christie’s. The last high-profile NFT that sold there last month went for $69 million.
Now that is one deliciously lucrative circle-jerk.
Back to the experiment.
The goal was to double the $500 in one week.
I bought my #CUMMIES on Thursday 29th of April when 1 token was worth $0.01:
And by Thursday 6th of May, 1 token hit an all-time high of $0.28:
My #CUMMIES were worth x28 what I bought them for. My #CUMMIES were worth $14,000.
my cummies, my cummies
The experiment was a success.
THINGS I LEARNT ON MY JOURNEY TO BECOMING A CUMILLIONARE
HOW TO READ A GRAPH
I tracked my #CUMMIES on a website called CoinMarketMap.com. They have a live (literally to the minute) guide of how the alt coins are moving. Instead of checking Instagram every 2 minutes, I redirected my attention to this. I’ve been rewiring my brain and it’s financially beneficial, so fuck me up fam.
JUST DO IT
At the start of 2021 I wrote two goals in my diary: invest in stocks and make one million dollars. Last month I started asking finance friends to help me but never followed through.
My #CUMMIES journey taught me that you must throw urself into things. Putting $500 down was important. It was enough to force myself into learning, but not so much that if I lost it, I’d have to move back in with Frog In A Top Hat.
I actually haven’t spoken about anything but #CUMMIES for the past week. It’s a conversation starter and the more conversations you have about investing the better.
CRYPTO IS DEMOCRATIC
So many people that I would have never guessed are into crypto have been riding this wave since COVID. Bored at home, they just started reading about it and trying stuff out. Crypto has changed the game for new investors because you can buy fractions of coins (u can do this in the regular stock market now, but that’s new). Thirteen year olds are doing it.
I thought I was way too late. But then #CUMMIES restored my faith.
REDDIT COME THROUGH
I’ve learnt so much from trawling Reddit over the years. If Mayoclinic tells you what you’re sick with, Reddit tells you how to fix it.
It’s a true community and brains-trust where you can learn about absolutely everything.
While the r/Frogs subreddit has provided some real psychological relief throughout this stressful time, I’ve been deep in the r/CumRocket thread. On there I found answers to the questions I wasn’t sure who to ask.
COMPANIES AND TECH
If u invest in a company, u start learning about it. Nice to direct your mental energy away from the infinite scroll and towards understanding finance en route to 21st century #freedom.
TAXES & THE GOVERNMENT
Scotty if you are reading this, poo poo wee wee! U will never get this lalalalalala!
Nah but seriously, this was all fun and games to me because I haven’t been thinking of the gains as actual money.
While I technically doubled my money (or in this case, 28 timesed it lol), it’s not straight cash. There is savage taxing (30%), you need to record every single transaction (transactions between coins even need to be logged) and other stuff.
The gov has only just released guidelines about it which I found sad, but helpful.
Cryptocurrency generally operates independently of a central bank, central authority or government… so I am guessing Canberra’s penis is deeply flaccid about this emerging technology.
GOING TO JAIL COULD BE COOL
Have u seen Silverwater Correctional Complex? If I get thrown in there for insider trading, all good. I could make serious bank while not paying rent and would probably get ripped in there too. Incredible option.
literally bigger than my room and also, ensuite
WAT NOW?
Don’t know yet. But I do know one thing. And it’s that this is by no means to end.
More will cum to light soon.
CEO F x