Hello dingo-like specimens,
Froomy here and boy do I have a story for you tonight!
A few weeks ago I went to the Northern Territory for both business and pleasure.
FROOMESWORLD inc. brokered a deal with Tourism NT… A national one that would see this CEO feature in a TV ad!
Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before
Across three days, I swam, I glamped, I drank cocktails, I ate hotel breakfasts and I encountered creatures big, small, venomous and 95 million years old.
I have recurring dreams sometimes – mostly about my teeth falling off, someone chasing me, or falling from a five-hundred foot building. But perhaps the most disturbing dream I have is the one where a crocodile chomps me up!
Picture my surprise and delight then when I encountered the prehistoric beasts for myself without shiteing, crying or following the impulsive thought that said, jump bitch!
And that was just the tip. The Northern Territory is a seriously amazing place that I would recommend everyone (but especially them city folk) visit at least once.
That’s where the FW employee getaway package comes in. 😈
Thanks to Jetstar and Tourism NT, I’m giving away a $5,000 trip plus flights to one lucky labourer and their friend. Enormous levels of yeetage to be had!
Of course, I couldn’t send an employee off on annual leave without sharing some executive-level recommendations for the journey.
Here’s how I would spend it if I gave myself the holiday. (That’s still an option – so you best behave!)
Let’s get to it. Here are my top-three favourite Northern Territory experiences.
I’m not going to tell you a fib. I am not a camping individual. Camping makes me angry, I am tired even thinking about it. But one experience that changed my mind, even for just one night, was the Top End Safari Camp.
This camp is the brainchild of a man named Matt Wright – otherwise known as the ‘Outback Wrangler’ – who is a television presenter, entrepreneur and Steve Irwin-style crocodile king.
I am sweating at this image of his son in crocodile-infested waters
This safari camp is kind of like a one-stop shop to get all bushbashing-based fantasies out of your system. To get there, you drive down a red-dirt road with these crazy termite mounds which remind me of a shoddy ‘80s movie about Mars.
Upon arrival you will most likely be greeted by a friendly mongrel dog named Cruiser (good juju). Then you’ll go for a spin around the wetlands on an airboat, which is pretty much like a boat by with a huge fan on the back that allows you do go over marshland and grass as well as water.
It’s a very thrilling experience.
Our guide that day was a guy called Rowdie who really nailed the outback genius aesthetic. He was a man of few words, for whom crocodiles were long lost friends (he summoned them by dunking his leg in the water which honestly gave me the kind of shivers that are consistent with hypoglycaemia.)
Once you’re done there, you head back to the campsite. This isn’t any old rickety tent area. This is a glamping!
Twelve individual huts line the circumference of the park area, which I was assured is reptile-free, save for a few goblins like myself. It’s replete with a pool, a fire and a large deck upon which to sink thirst-quenching beverages.
After cooling down with a cheeky dip, the safari crew cooked up a veritable feast. Dinner was a vibe as well, slow-cooked roast, fresh barramundi, salad, and what I consider the true marker of fine dining – fries of both the potato and sweet potato variety.
You get a show too – the breathtaking sunset which goes for hours and settles into a starry night the likes of which I’ve never seen!
Really makes you feel At One with our MILF, Earth.
This was not my first trip around the north-bound mulberry bush.
I first worked with Tourism NT in 2018. Only that time I did a ‘luxury’ style trip, involving copious amounts of room service, 5-star resortage, waterfront pub meals and most impressively… a sunset cruiser around Darwin Harbour! Here’s the diary:
The stand-out experience on that getaway was for sure going on the sunset cruiser on a catamaran in Camilla. It’s a photo-opp on speed. We posed, we drank champagne and we shelled oysters.
Absolutely gorge.
This is a scallywag inclusion as I haven’t personally been here – but if I had my time again, I would absolutely be hot-footing it right into the red centre to visit the iconic Daly Waters pub.
This is the most quintessential, stereotypical outback Australian pub I’ve ever laid eyes on. Look at the tin roof! McCains Super Juicy could never.
The place was built in 1930 and it’s (respectfully) located in buttfudge nowhere, 600kms from Darwin. I reckon it would be a good pitstop on the way from the capital to Uluru.
According to folklore, in the past the pub has witnessed murders, shoot outs in the main street, cattle stampeding through town and the odd drunken brawls. Allegedly there’s a ghost that haunt the kitchen (Miznon Level 5 flashbacks).
Of course you can also eat there. Hamburgers, streaks, schnitzels of every variety, sweets and snackaroos abound – this is the kind of pub fare young Toto Albussy could only dream of!
And in conclusion, as if by cosmic design, the website even makes mention of FROOMESWORLD’s favourite mascot:
We liken the pub to an old lady, can be cranky at times just needs a bit of tender lovin' so we are always improving on our facilities and services but don't come if you're looking for 5 stars. The stars you will find are the millions that twinkle each night in a perfect dry season sky, not clouded by smog or noise pollution. During the wet the green frogs will serenade you with a noise which translates to "more rain more rain!!" We love them!
Brilliant!
So, do u want to go yet? You’re in luck because there’s still time to win! Originally you just had to comment on this post, but 6,000 people did so instead u need to send me a vid of you dancing to Crazy Frog please and thanks 😂 I’ll be hand selecting a golden goose employee on Friday afternoon. 😌
Until then… See you soon my lovelies!
CEO F
Superb report. I'd love to win the competition, but the crazy frog isn't in my repertoire. mes amie. tres bien.