Good evening folks and welcome to FROOMESWORLD: THE NEWSLETTER #3.
The focus of last week’s letter was a man whose ideal night is demolishing a whole packet of Shortbread Creams while arguing with people he went to school with in a Facebook group named ‘We Grew Up In North Balwyn’.
A man who can’t press the ‘k’ key on his computer because it’s filled with biscuit remnants.
A man who is my Dad.
Fucken yummy.
So today, in keeping with the theme of snackaroo-lovers in their sunset years, we will be taking a look into the wonderfully wild world of Eddy Shipek, AKA Mr Sunshine.
If you’re an employee working in the Instagram department of FROOMESWORLD, you’ll know who I’m talking about.
But if you’re here because I posted about my newsletter on LinkedIn (a ploy to convert horny middle aged executives into subscribers who may fund my empire), you mightn’t.
If that’s the case, boil the kettle, pour yourself a piping hot cup of Moccona Medium Roast and take a seat.
It’s about to get juicier than a well-done steak with a side of Diane sauce, photographed on three different angles.
Update: it is 2:53pm in the afternoon. I have sat at my desk ready to tap this one out, but I have lost all motivation. My blood sugar levels are waning, there are no Shortbread Creams in my house, I don’t know who my real friends are.
You see, the fact of the matter is, Eddy Shipek can’t be distilled into words. Any attempt would do the man a disservice.
The beauty and brilliance of Florida’s most dedicated Instagrammer is just that. He loves Instagram. He uses the platform the way it was intended – to share. To go no-filter. To upload 5 separate images of his dogs (Hollywood and Vine) within a minute.
The velocity at which is man posts is honestly inspiring. He has the Midas touch, everything he touches turns to Instagram content. I respect that, and if you’re here, it means you respect that, too.
Let’s take a look at some of Eddy’s finest work to date.
HIS STYLE
When you first discover Eddy, the thing that strikes you most is his sophisticated style of dress. It’s clear that fashion is Eddy’s preferred language.
Whether it’s a Versace-inspired polyester button down, a peach two-piece or a denim vest with a chunky gold chain, Eddy is never not dressed to the nines. He’s dressed to the tens!
But it wasn’t until I saw Eddy’s three-piece snakeskin suit that I fully appreciated the depth of his taste.
Think about it. Real leather snakeskin suits don’t come cheap. And that looks tailored. By my estimations, that could have set Mr Sunshine back at least 3,000 big ones.
He understands that fashion is more than just fabric and stitches. It’s a way to express yourself.
HIS LOVE OF FINE DINING
Now this here is a man who clearly knows his way around a buffet.
Carbs are crucial to maintaining the sustenance it takes to post 150 times a day. For that reason, hot dogs are on high rotation. Don’t skimp on the sauce!
He’s unafraid to try new things.
Fried flake on a brioche bun? Haven’t seen it done before, but sure.
Chicken and green grapes? Go on!
Spaghett so fresh it’s fogging up the Lumix!
Hmm, ok, I don’t kn–
what the fuck is that please
Best of all, through his love of food, Eddy shows his respect for those less fortunate. Take for instance this burger.
It’s so big, too big for a man of Eddy’s well-snackaroo’d appetite.
So what does he do? He breaks the burger up, sharing it with the townsfolk of sunny South Beach, Florida:
Cady Heron weeps.
HIS GIRLS
Hollywood and Vine, two little angels plucked straight from heaven and plopped into the lap of luxury.
Just when these little creatures came into Eddy’s life is unclear, but he sure does love them. You wouldn’t necessarily call them photogenic. In fact, many may liken them to small satanic aliens.
But that’s cool. Because Eddy loves them.
This is just further evidence that Eddy’s heart knows no boundaries. He loves all creatures living under the sun… including you!
Who do you more identify with, Hollywood or Ms Vine? It’s Hollywood for me!
HIS FRIENDS
There’s no denying Eddy likes his cars fast…
…And his women warm.
Not in a gross way. It’s just obvious that Eddy makes people feel comfortable, wrapping them up in his Gucci-printed love.
Eddy has many female companions. I suspect this is because of his natural charm and magnetic aura. I wonder what parfum he wears? Paco Rabanne 1 Million feels like the obvious choice, though I wouldn’t put spray of Old Spice in the pits past the man.
The frequency and variety of his new friends is second only to the frequency and variety of his snackaroos. He’s not a “one flavour” type of guy.
Young or old, blonde or brunette, male, female, canine. In Eddy’s world, everyone’s invited.
The thing that strikes me most is how stoked everyone looks to be there. They are genuinely jatzed to be in the presence of Mr Sunshine.
Spend enough time in Eddy’s catalogue and you’ll notice a few familiar faces. I’m unsure of this lady’s name, but her vibe is 100.
A wonder what that would feel like, being in Eddy’s inner circle?
HIS QUOTES
Posting quotes on Instagram is oft derided as an activity reserved for menopausal women named Joyce.
(Also, fuck yas on that, if you were a 50-year-old woman with an iPhone 5, an internet connection and too much spare time, you’d be spreading the message of living, laughing and loving too. Go off Joyce!)
The problem with writing quotes off completely is that you might miss some gems that could open your mind and change your life.
Take, for instance, this:
I read the above quote during some mental turbulence a few days ago. And just like that, the skies cleared and I was smooth sailing right out of that funk. I love the simplicity of the message. It’s ok to be alone, to start again. I’m sure a lot of us can relate to this sentiment right now.
And finally, the quote that really spoke volumes was this.
HIS SHOUT OUTS
There’s no denying Eddy has a deep well of love for his friends Down Under. And to reward us for our unwavering support, he’s now giving anyone who asks a personalised shout out.
When I got mine, my arsehole tingled – so excited was I that Eddy saw me.
He truly, really saw me.
And if you ask him nicely enough, he might just see you, too.
So there you have it.
A lot of experts say that having things to look forward to is crucial to your mental wellbeing.
I agree with that.
That’s why the minute international borders open up, I’ll be hopping on a redeye straight to Florida. I hope you join me.
Can’t wait to see you, Mr Sunshine.
CEO F x
Yeah a couple of Eddy’s comments were directed at me.
....like driving past a car crash....