“Good evening,”
She said, as she untied her silken robe, the red lace brushing against her buxom derriere. “I’ve been waiting for you.”
Her golden eyes, rimmed black, staring. “Are you here for the life drawing? Is this your first time?”
“Mmm,” she continued, almost immediately. “I thought it might be.”
She moved, deliberately, towards the record player in the corner of the curtained space. The first ephemeral notes of Tame Impala - Lost In Yesterday fell from the Bose-integrated speaker system. “Weird flex,” you thought. “But ok.”
“Are you thirsty?”
You looked up from your Kevin-induced trance to see your muse brandishing a pair of juicy, wet Watermelon Cruisers.
No time to grab the snorkel.
She sauntered in the direction of the canvassed stage. The robe was dangling now as she ascended the stairs. When she found her place, she stood for a moment and held your gaze.
She looked at you now, smiling. You smiled back and just like that, she dropped the robe and doinked that tHICC atTHHHHH down on the THTAGE like BADOINK!!!
Lol. Happy Wednesday and welcome to tonight’s TOP HAT TIPS!
I hope that story has geared you up for what is going to be a super sexy edition of THT. These ones come courtesy of Chantelle Otten, and I’ve got to say, writing them was seriously hard. Like, just writing “come courtesy” and “hard” without making any kind of sexual reference felt like this:
I have to behave myself because Chantelle is a psycho-sexologist whose whole MO is normalising sexuality. Her Instagram is a smorgasbord of segsual information always presented in a way is so good to look at, and so easy to read.
So without further a do, here are Chantelle Otten’s TOP HAT TIPS.
WHO
F: Who are you?
CO: I’m that gal that will hold space for your sex questions. Basically I am a sex-expert! I have a background in psychology, and science/medicine. I was educated in Australia and Europe, and I am now the director of the largest sexology practice in Australia, where myself and my team see individuals and couples with any sex questions or concerns.
I’m also an author, a scientist, an educator for healthcare professionals, I work in media, I’m a friend, a partner and a dog mum. I wear a lot of different hats.
SEX TOY
F: What was your first one?
CO: This HUGE one that probs wasn’t the best choice. I purchased in in the Red Light District in Amsterdam when I was 21 and the sales lady was like ‘it’s great! It fucks you, for you!’, but wow, was hectic. It was similar to this one. My poor puss.
SEX
F: Is what you’re doing now what you wanted to do as a kid?
CO: No! I mean, I didn’t know it existed when I was a kid. I was never sure what I wanted to be. I was really introverted as a kid and lived in a chaotic little brain, so I always just went with the flow. I was a tomboy and really a little ugly duckling. I kind of found power in myself when I was in my mid-teens, and realised that I should just do and behave how I want (in a nice way of course) because it’s my life, and people will always have different opinions regardless. I knew I just wanted to be someone to help people.
I have always been extremely comfortable with my sexuality and my sexual power, I just didn't realise that not everyone else was like this until my early twenties, which is where the foundation of my career started to develop.
CHOCOLATE STRAWBERRIES
F: Serious gear shift now. Are aphrodisiacs a true thing?
CO: Offfft good one.
Aphrodisiacs have small scientific evidence, probably not enough to support their use. But, regardless, I have had some couples come back saying that they noticed a big difference when eating more ‘aphrodisiac foods’. Red wine, oysters, chocolate.
The aphrodisiacs that do have supporting evidence are the following: Ginkgo biloba, Ginseng, Maca, Tribulus terrestris, ArginMax and Zestra.
(FROOMESWORLD INTERRUPTION: I love how they all sound like Lord Of The Rings characters and/or vaccinations)
It’s important to remember that sexual desire, arousal, and performance depend on a wide range of factors. A person’s overall health, psychological well-being, and emotional state can all be involved.
HOME
F: I read that you come from a Dutch background. I would be lying if I said I didn’t just Google ‘if you’re dutch where are you from?’. Please excuse me! What is your fave childhood-ish thing?
CO: Hehe, don't you worry! So many people don’t know. So the Dutch cuisine is all deep fried basically. Like, they have healthy food, but they are known for fries with mayo, and these amazing deep fried meatballs called Rundvlees Kroket. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. In bars you order and they come with mustard. I would literally eat them everyday when I would have a drink after work with my friends. Here I am eating my kroket and being a happy gal.
BOOK
F: Do you ever read erotic novels? Do u have a recommendation? If not – do you have a recommendation for a book to read for someone who is interested in learning more about their individual sexuality?
I am more into erotic hypnosis or ethical porn for inspiration. To learn more about your individual sexuality, you could read a bunch! Mine is coming out in September and is called ‘The Sex Ed You Never Had’... maybe you’ll like that.
Emily Nagowski’s ‘Come As You Are’ is excellent. I also love ‘Mating in Captivity’ by Esther Perel. ‘She Comes First’ by Ian Kerner is a great guide to oral sex for those who are giving OS to vulva owning partners.
STREAMING
F: What u watching?
CO: Ohhhh literally dyl and I love watching shows together. Currently watching ‘Mr Inbetween’ which is a dark comedy and we are really into it because it’s funny, awkward and creepy. I love any odd bods and the main character is just that.
RESTAURANT
F: Congratulations on having an open city :’) What’s your fave place to get a feed of a late-night in Melbourne?
CO: I love Capitano’s pizza and vodka pasta. And some go-to’s include Rita’s pizza, and Le Bon Ton barbecue. I love a pub. I’m a low-key gal.
SINGLE
F: I am an uncoupled individual. I always think of a sex therapist as someone you’d go to if you’re having intimacy issues with a partner, or if you have erectile dysfunction or something. I know that’s not true though. How could I benefit from seeing you? Is that too broad a question?
CO: No that’s fine. It’s a great question. My job is to be a detective into your sex life, but also your sexual confidence, who you are, and be a person to be with you on the journey to achieve your personal and erotic goals. Some people just come to me because they want to know why they can’t really feel sexy. I don’t know much about your dating, sexy life babe, but for example, you might want to know what sex toys would work best for you, or who you feel attracted to, or how to have more fun, or how to state your boundaries, or understand more about pleasure.
It’s a complex one! You could also have medications or conditions that could affect your sex life, or painful sex, or health related conditions that need to be treated so you could feel like you could be your sexual self… it’s my job to be the detective to help get you the support you need. A lot of people come to me feeling misunderstood and burnt out by the medical system and I take pride in helping them get the information and support needed to move past what is holding them back.
INSTA
F: Fave insta account.
CO: Oh this is a funny one! I love my boss, CEO Froomsey of course. I also love her Bumble date Dom Littrich, I find him so quirky and fun. Sita Abellan is a vibe and I met her at a Paris fashion week afterparty once, she was so rude and I loved her more.
Caroline Vreeland is a goddess and I love her energy. So many you know, I just admire people who are all about owning who they are!
TOILET
F: Like wanking, there can be a lot of shame around one of life’s most pleasurable acts. Best/coolest/most memorable bathroom you’ve been in and why?
CO: I literally love going to the toilet. I love doing a poo. It’s such a success story for me. I talk to my friends, my fam, my manager, my partner on the toilet. I FaceTime from the toilet. I love it. I used to never be able to poo because I had a loop of my intestines that didn’t work, it just wouldn't push the food through. So I had surgery when I was 22 to take out about 30cm of that loop and my doctor sewed it back together. I now can successfully poop (after a coffee and Berocca if I need). My friends and staff and I guess my patients, we all talk very openly about bowel movements.
Best toilet I have been in… Hmm. When I lived in Europe I had a few boyfriends, and one was an older guy who had a huge bathroom that was all gold and marble. I felt like I was in a little bathroom palace and it was a beautiful place to retreat, so this is the one that stands out to me. The toilet palace.
BISCUIT
F: Best biscuit and why. Please defend your answer.
CO: Yikes, I don’t like biscuits much, but if I was to choose, probably De Ruiter Dutch Speculaas Cookies. They are like a spiced biscuit that I would munch on with a glass of milk. My dad also used to put them in sandwiches. I dunno! They remind me of being a clog wog.
Heerlijk!
Another THT done and dustéd.
I didn’t include this in the newsletter (for the sake of levity, brevity and biscuits), but Chantelle and I spoke briefly about the concept of shame and she said something that really stuck.
On shame, she said: “I think shame is a normal experience, and we just attach it to different experiences where we feel alone.”
I think about this in terms of hats. Sometimes you wear a hat and feel great, but then you so somewhere and no one else is wearing one, and as a result you feel deeply, unspeakably embarrassed.
I have felt this many times. And so if you have ever been the only person in the room wearing a hat, I salute you. But I will keep my hat on while I salute, in solidarity.
You are not alone. And yee haw.
All my love.
F