Good evening shneebledorks,
Welcome back to Froomy’s newsletter. Why am I getting this email on a Monday, you ask? What happened to the regular Wednesday night drop, you cry? Humpday or bust, you screech!
Well, believe it or not, I’m writing this live from Strangetown! An alien probe has hit my imaginary g-spot (there is no biological or physical evidence of a female g-spot, unlike the prostate in those assigned male at birth. Professor Helen O’Connell – Australia’s first female urologist – has spent decades decoding the clitoris. Supposedly, any g-spot-like sensations could be attributed to the extensive network that extends way beyond the bean).
Either way, it has in turn triggered this premature e-jaculation.
(I have a theory that this Sims 2 neighbourhood was inspired by American Beauty. The sus army Dad, the misunderstood son, the rare sightings of Bella Goth, and the BBQ dad who was impregnated by a literal alien? Pleasantview could never.)
I actually came here to discuss some recycling-based findings that were uncovered last night as I made Rigatoni with Easy Vodka Sauce. It kicked off when I posted a story featuring my new Food and Garden Organics (FOGO) benchtop bin.
It is a mini bin* designed to gobble up your food scraps. Cooked leftovers (bar bones), bread, meat, banana peels, onion layers and compostable bin liners are all fair game for this filthy little freak of a thing. A secure, stench-encapsulating lid clenches cheeks until you’re ready to move it into a compost bin.
*City of Port Phillip in Melbourne is giving them away for free, for anyone, at any of the libraries in the council, like St Kilda and Port Melbourne library.
But therein lies the problem. In this economy, who on earth has a compost bin?
If Australia’s rental crisis was a bosom, Sydney’s eastern suburbs would be its engorged nipple. Rent is extortionate. And even if you have the simoleons to splash on a $750-per-week studio apartment, you best believe there won’t be a balcony, nay an outdoor area, in sight.
For this reason, environmentally-curious beachside cuties living beyond their means must look at alternative composting options.
Thanks in no small part to our Froomunity, I have collated some solutions to the food waste pickle, dick. Here they are.
1. befriend the green bin*
Unbeknownst to me, the green bin serves an actual purpose.
Apparently, it isn’t just for branches, mown grass and a random piece of an IKEA bed that I put in there once (sorry 🥺). You can put all manner of organic (see: untreated wood) waste in there, including the McNuggets you left on the kitchen bench last night. The trick here is to avoid putting plastic bags in here unless they’re compostable, too.
To be fair, food waste fucken stinks after a hot minute and if you don’t have the aforementioned mini bin, you’re risking dank-core. Apparently, this can be negated by putting your food scraps in the freezer and chucking them into the green bin once a week. Kind of scary, but desperate times call for all manner of desperate measures.
But what about if you, like me, don’t have a green bin? Read on.
*Froomy’s posthumous-post note: not all councils let you put food scraps in your green bin. You can in Woollahra (Paddington) for example – but not in Waverley (Bondi). You can find the info on your municipality’s website or on top of the bin.
2. befriend your neighbours
Have you reached the city limits of Hinge? Used up all your Tinder? Bumbled a little too hard?
There is a solution! And that’s ShareWaste! It’s an app that helps hook you up with Hot Neighbours in Your Area! to use their composting facilities.
Here’s a demo of their map. You can suss out locations near you here:
3. befriend a rich american person
Scrolling the Tok, I came across this video of an electric composting bin:
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Lomi is a Mortimer Goth-level appliance that turns your food waste into plant food in less than 4 hours. How? Wrong person to ask 🤪
I will say, buying another product to reduce waste seems antithetical.
On Reddit, someone was like, “I think these products are really cool pieces of innovation. That said I have a larger concern that isn't really related to their use and/or performance. I worry these consumer products will start popping up as a crutch in the absence of proper government waste management programs. I can't help but imagine buying something like this, and in 10 years scratching my head wondering what to do with it if my town finally starts a composting program. Then there would be a ton of e-waste as a result that would not have been necessary.”
Food for thought my munchkins.
4. befriend the bokashi
I received many DMs making mention of the ‘bokashi’. I opened them all trepidatiously due to the striking resemblance to a word I’ve only seen against my will, in Incognito Mode.
The term Bokashi is a Japanese word meaning "fermented organic matter". And the Bokashi One is an eco-friendly composting bin system designed to be used in the kitchen. It’s a lil airtight tub thingy that can hold up to 19L of waste. You put a plastic grate thing in there that helps the food juice drop down into the bottom, where you can pour it out to use on plants, or in ruthless Truth or Dare situations.
You can check them out here. Another brand that does much the same thing is Urban Composter, which has smaller ones that I like the look of. Choose your fighter.
5. befriend the comments section
I was honestly so surprised by how many responses my recycling shite got. The passion! The fervour! I was learning. If you have any other techniques or products you like, go ahead and write them in the comments for your fellow employees, please!
How I sleep at night knowing everyone gets along
That’s that on that!
See you next time. In love and light,
Hey Froomes, thanks for your newsletter! Your recommendation for the Bokashi brings back a funny memory.
My friends were renting in a unit, and the council area didn’t have a composting system so my eco-friendly mates decided to do bokashi. They would have to dispose of the waste. Once I came over and witnessed them wearing masks and gloves in the front yard of their block of units digging a hole surreptitiously. It was very strange! Safe to say bokashi is another awkward system for people under the thumb of the landlord!