🌏 goodbye, australia
It's been good, but i'm PISSEN OFF
Good evening darlings,
How are you this evening?
As is tradition here at the “weekly” FROOMESWORLD newsletter, I’d like to start by formally apologising for my absence.
I know, I’ve been missing in action. I hear you – you want to riot! You miss me so much it aches. My lack of presence on the internet is actually impacting your mental health! You want to do a reverse French Revolution where you make me Marie Antoinette, and instead of cutting my head off, you pay instead for a mini facelift. Thoughts?
But for realsies, I truly have been off the internet. And that’s because…
I’m on a television show!
FINALLY BABE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
I was starting to think shit what does a bitch have to do for a little airtime? A speaking role? A cameo, even? It was looking like I was gonna have to wait another twenty years for a run on the Golden Bachelor at any rate.
Then, it materialised.
The ABC were rebooting a ‘90s television show called Race Around The World.
The original series aired in 1997, and involved eight Australian filmmakers getting shipped off to ten different countries to make ten documentaries, over 100 days. It was a reality television show before reality tv – each creator had a handheld camera and little else.
When I first saw the casting call, I thought it didn’t look like my thing, mainly because the advertisement was giving Ishka areas and I didn’t do a gap year, nor did I ever eat dahl in harem pants.
After some further investigating (clicking on an article), I learnt that it was the very same show that had launched the career of my all-time favourite Australian creator and genius, John Safran! (Scroll up – he’s in that original pic with the slim shady hair do.)
From that moment, I knew I had to get on the show. I sent in an audition tape, and sat by the phone. For four months.
Four months!!!!!!! It was a four month process. Four Months.
And when I tell you I have never been through a more gruelling, testing and invasive casting process, I’m being for real. Personality tests, psychologist sessions, full medicals, video essays and proto-documentaries. The casting agents stopped just shy of doing an anal probe, but honestly if they asked, I’d have bent over in an instant. Such was the magnitude of the opportunity.
The process was painful mostly because I wasn’t told I was officially on the show until very recently. That’s why I haven’t been posting on instagram – I’ve been so paranoid that sharing a joke about ants crawling up my ass to bite the itchy bit might somehow disqualify me.
It appears that my holding off has been for good. Mummy has been selected alongside five other freaks (clockwise from left: Mikaela, Jayden, Kate, Elliot and William). Besties much.
It’s seriously so sick. I’m telling you all this cos it’s gonna air on the ABC starting in June, Sunday nights at 7:30pm.
Zan Rowe is hosting, John Safran is the ongoing judge, along with guest judges who rotate weekly. Think directors, producers, Australian icons of film and screen (Margaret Pomeranz mentioned).
We’ve been told they’re going to have no qualms in ripping us a new arsehole every week, so it’s gonna be amazing television. And I’m NOT EVEN STRESSED.
Anyway. Wanna see my audition documentary? The brief was simply to make a story about ‘love’. I chose to explore NUMB3R PLAT3Z:
I fucking loved doing that story 😂 now we have the challenge of doing the same thing for 100 days… on an actual video camera, to a level of television quality, in ten locations we don’t find out about until we are boarding a plane.
Thanks for watching, honeys. The show starts airing on June 7th, I will be sharing detailed reports henceforth. The approach is, leave nothing on the floor.
We’ll see how it goes!
Love and light,
Miss Documentarian.
you’ve been missed but this is huge and exciting!!!
You are fucking hilarious and I can’t wait to watch this diva!!